Living life my new companion; Fibromyalgia
Life was going ok which meant better than sometimes, equal to many and for some people; better than most times. I’m sure in this society it would be those that say it was better than any of their times. That means although I may not have always noticed, sung from the ceilings, and hung from the rafters it was pretty darn good. I’m sure I still found things to complain about, but if I didn’t then I probably wouldn’t be living. Don’t get the wrong idea and start judging because I’m not the typical complainer or the constant downer. I just have a habit of seeing my blessings after they have happened not while living off those fruits. Blame this on my hectic choice of organizing style. It was the just go wit it and the calm part was the first to go. Relaxation was another that was rarely on our menus. In short it didn’t always work, and I just couldn’t change it.
I was working a decent gig as general manager of one of those big convenience stores only bigger because this one was a beer & cig warehouse. Staff was a problem, and often I was the back up. I had all kinds of aches and pains that had increasingly worsened which I likened to working several unorthodox shifts. I was really pushing it and I knew it. I thought my body was telling me to slow down, but without help I just couldn’t. I planned on just stocking up with Ben-gay, a heating pad, Epsom salt, Tylenol & some of those wraps to pick up whichever body part was screaming the loudest.
Then the craziness started happening to my body and hasn’t stopped. Now I’m pushing well over 10+ years and some change. Get up and go was so long gone I’d begin to think my prior life was mainly myth. Even though I had pictures and stories believe it or not there just wasn’t an app for that like today. My body as I knew it had officially morphed into an unpredictable maze that ran like a rusted machine with a head carried around as proof of being present.
Not sure which maladies started first or what was the worse I decided to write it down. My calendar had so many notes it began to look like dates at the medical school. I thought I was pushing myself to some sort of mental breakdown and needed clarification. Didn’t realize I was beginning a well defined and often visited journal.
I had pains on one side in one limb that would start and stop just as quick only to leave a new symptom. There was a constant which I looked back on and that was the pain was always wide spread, worse in the mornings and evenings leaving well defined tender spots. No limb was left untouched either. I noticed that if it bent it would eventually hurt. Many days at the same time, on other days simultaneously. Yes; my body became one of those clocks that spun out of control only going backwards instead of forward or toward a predictable pattern. As though this wasn’t bad enough the symptoms grew to more familiar ones like: migraines, depression, insomnia, and this awful low energy. I didn’t always have those but at least I knew what they were and that it was something that came and went if I did experience it. After awhile constantly high BP jumped in just so it wouldn’t feel left out. Often I sat and tried to make sense of what was happening to me. Although I’d had some illnesses it was never anything like this and I was terrified.
As a young new mother sometimes single I blamed the pressures of motherhood which included both a teen and now a new born. Looking at post partum write ups it didn’t add to what was happening to me. So it was time once again to put more pressure on the doctor who I now visited like he was the Country Club or pool in the summer. I swear many times I saw his smile turn upside down and sweat from his brow as he read the test that all came back normal. Finally after several long independent visits prods, probs, and sticks, test, specialist, test re-visits, test (lol) this non-laughable, crazy web of symptoms morphed into yet another diagnoses that stuck after 2 specialists corroborated it. Fibromyalgia which is an illness that causes chronic widespread pain muscle, and deep tissue pain, and a web of other symptoms and maladies. It is non life threatening, but definitely life altering. To make matters worse many don’t believe you including Drs, and you spend an enormous amount of time re-hashing symptoms in attempts to persuade. Sadly this even includes family members especially those closest to you. It is attacked as one of those “snap out of it”, quit faking syndromes.
Another thing that I had to get used to was up to the now 12+pills prescribed to make life somewhat livable. It is truly on my life’s word that without them I would barely be able to roll over and get out of bed.
I have taken the time to write this not for pity but as many says. “Each one, teach one” only it’s my hope to teach many while probably learning more from a few. In speaking to those with fibro I would first like to say that you’re not crazy like the primary has made you feel and there is a hope one day we will be back just in time for menopause. Then we can meet here for a post on that….. Js